Happy New Year! Hello 2019 and what you have in store for me. In my last post, I shared how broken I was feeling. I have been feeling like a failure. It just seemed that everything I set out to accomplish has crumbled before my fingertips. During the time of my last post, I transitioned from working full time to being a stay at home mother to my two beautiful boys. This transition forced me to post pone my internship for school.
The idea of staying home with my children is not a glamorous one. My vision of a boss woman is someone who works 9-5 and brings home the bacon or kale for my plant lovers. I felt that if I wasn’t working then I was not being a good wife and a powerful woman.
Oh the lies the enemy tries to plant in my head.
This is why I must remind myself of Psalms 1. I am a tree planted by streams of water that bears fruit in season and my leaves will never wither as long as I am under the guidance of God.
So you may be thinking, Liz… Why are you sad? Because you don’t have to work? Because you have to stay home with the kids? I have seen that being home with the boys is the best blessing, I could have. My relationship with them is strengthening and I am learning how to love them. So no,that’s not the real issue.
The issue was how I defined success. It was apart from God and involved me hustling and grinding all by myself. All that “hardwork” brought me to my knees…literallly. I was exhausted and not paying my first ministry aka my family any mind.
I have been and still am on this long journey of self discovery and let me be honest. IT SUCKS!!!! I’ve been asking God to reveal to me what my next career path is and INSTEAD, he’s been revealing to me personal things I need to work on. He’s been showing me mindsets that have stifled my faith walk. I have done many fasts requesting direction with this program I am in for school but God is choosing to work on my heart.
Faith means I have to trust that in my obedience he will align everything perfectly so that I can reap what he has in store for me. I have to trust that by working on the things He is pointing out then, He will take care of everything else.
The theme for this year is “I Surrender”. Every time I feel anxiety I say “I surrender xyz” and wipe my hands clean. I’ve become hungry to hear God,thirsty for his blessings and plans for my life to pour over me and overflow in my cup. I no longer want to live the life I created for myself. Its trash and has led me to live an anxiety provoked, stubborn, selfish, flesh led lifestyle and I am tired y’all.
With baby #3 en route **SURPRISE**, I want a different approach on how I manage my roles as first a woman of God, a wife and a mother. Everything else must be left into the hands of God. It is hard, but I feel His peace and joy when I choose to focus on my children and give them the attention they need rather than stress out on how can I become successful.
This hunger and thirst to know God has led me on a quest for wisdom. I’ve been convicted that as I am on this journey of seeking God’s wisdom I must share what I learn, because the wisdom of God is not meant to be stored up in a cookie jar at the top of the fridge for my own indulgence. I must share wisdom because it is part of my journey as a believer in Jesus Christ. I am called to be a light in a dark place through my transparency.
This means I must be more diligent on this blog (Sorry yall…I’m working on consistency) and leaning not on my own understanding.
Cheers to seeking first the kingdom of God.
May his joy, peace, and grace overwhelm every area of your life.
Liz
Liz Dufresne 